Tuesday, June 12, 2007


We're done!

Graduation went well. The Pastor's Wife couldn't get my cd to work (that we've used all year long without a hitch) for the program, but my kids are awesome about being flexible, and they sang without music. H2O (who hates any kind of attention whatsoever) wanted to bail before we hit the stage, so I promised him two icy cold packets of Capri Sun if he could just go up on the stage and pretend. He managed to get halfway through the program, and then couldn't take it anymore- he methodically removed the cap, then the silk sash, and then lost the gown. All three items were thoroughly stepped on and smushed into the stage. I have to say, after the whole "graduation costume" idiocy, I was pretty triumphant.

The Idiocy: On an ordinary day, in an ordinary school, Kindergarten teachers generally help students create paper caps that the students can decorate. It's child-produced, and means something special to the student. All my kids loved theirs last year, and their parents were completely tickled over them. This year, in the land of the cult, the Admin decided to order some expensive silk caps and gowns and have silk sashes made with 2007 sewed onto them. And offer the sashes for $5 apiece! The sashes did not cost $30 in materials, I can tell ya that much (one of the kindergarten moms offered to sew them). I was asked my opinion, and as usual, when it didn't match theirs, was totally disregarded. Throughout the program (which I kept down to a brisk 15 minutes), the sashes and caps fell off repeatedly. None of the kids wanted to put on the gowns, particularly the boys, until I started calling them "graduation capes."

Hilarious moment- I was presented by the staff with what my husband and I can only call "Sad Little Whore Flowers:" for $3.99 apparently one can buy daisies and chrysanthemums that are painted bright blue and purple, and sparkled with glitter. When the presenting staff member ceremoniously handed them over to me, for one long horrible second I was frozen solid at the sight of such a thing. I sorted myself out pretty quickly, and instantly became covered in glitter when I took them.

Lessons Learned-

1)Never ever EVER again take a job with a cult. As satisfying as it may be to cross out "Work for a cult" on life's list of things to do before I die, it pretty much almost made me completely lose my faith, and my mind.

2) A little dash of "the crazy eye" can save your life. I recommend that everyone become proficient in silently staring at someone in such a way that your eyes contract to pinpoints. Especially when people start to try to convince you that "It'll be okay to talk to these prospective parents about kindergarten, but they don't know you won't be here, soooo... don't tell them, m'kay?" Let me tell ya- a few seconds into "the crazy eye," and they become edgy and uncomfortable and back away slowly, saying, "Well, maybe I'll just talk to them. That's okay, never mind."

3) Create a gathering of the parents long before the end of the school year. It took me until 13 days before school was over to discover that no two families were paying the same amount of tuition. And not a single parent could tell me what exactly they were paying for.

The last two years of working with the kindergarten crowd has been quite an experience. I look forward to returning to it again- just not now. At this point in time, I know that I can be my child's best teacher. In about 4 weeks, we will be putting this to the test. Little Baby Teaches will be arriving sometime between the end of June and mid-July. I haven't decided yet if I will continue this blog, or start another one... in the meantime, peace and blessings to all of you who have read this insanity for the past two-ish years.